THE NEON SINGLES – TOGETHER ALONE
Single for the first time in 10 years and now on Tinder: These are the lessons I’ve learned
NEON Single Column: I learned these lessons from my first three Tinder dates
In the “Lonely Together” column, NEON singles write about the pitfalls of being a single person. Today our author reports on her very first three Tinder dates – and what insights she has taken with her for her new solo existence.
Be single. How does it actually work? I’ve been in two long relationships for the past ten years. So being just for me is a role that I have to get used to. Immediately after the breakup, I treated myself to an extensive #selfcare vacation in the Caribbean. Back home, I signed up for Tinder a few weeks later.
For the past few years, I had looked curiously over the shoulder of my single friends as they rated total strangers with a casual swipe on their cell phones. I was still curious. It’s not like I’m hoping to fall madly in love right away, though. I’m not looking for the next relationship at all. Now is the time for me to be happy with myself alone – and to enjoy my solo existence. But a little distraction can’t hurt.
I now know why I’m single: my working hours are to blame
As a single, between smooching strangers and pregnant friends, you can sometimes feel like the last unicorn. But don’t worry, you are not alone! The NEON singles are on board – and the journey is not always smooth.
So Tinder. First of all, I notice that the choice is limited. Out of 50 guys on average one gets a like from me The first thing you learn about tindering is that just because you match each other doesn’t mean that one of them is also writing. In addition, there are such things as precious super-likes, which are supposed to flatter you somehow, but in the end only trigger a slightly guilty conscience if you swipe to the left after the first look – and thus the guy into the eternal hunting grounds of the online Dating banned. My second match actually immediately wrote me super lewd messages like: “I hope we’ll end up in bed with you afterwards.” Um, no.
But at some point it went a little better. In the meantime, I’ve met three different gentlemen. Here’s what I’ve learned from it.
“Would you like us to meet for a cigarette during the day?” I ask candidate number one after the match and feel very relaxed about it. His profile said something about smoker and I thought to myself: The length of a cigarette is a good start for your first Tinder date – as if I had suspected it. Not only does Fabian * make me wait a full 25 minutes (his taxi is stuck in traffic, it remains a bottomless cheek and besides: Who should take a taxi on a Saturday afternoon?), He also looks absolutely not like his profile pictures promised.
When I turn to him, I’m more perplexed than I have been in ages and struggle to keep my composure. The first thing I do reflexively is hold out my hand to him. Instead of a hug, as it should be on a date. The first thought that comes to mind hurts: I don’t want to be seen with him. I’m strangely ashamed of this man I don’t know, but who now absolutely wants to have a coffee with me. Instead of going to a café like normal people, I suggest getting a cappuccino at the kiosk and then having a cigarette on a nearby park bench.
“Your body language tells me that I am not exactly what you expected.