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THE NEON SINGLES – TOGETHER ALONE

Single for the first time in 10 years and now on Tinder: These are the lessons I’ve learned

NEON Single Column: I learned these lessons from my first three Tinder dates

In the “Lonely Together” column, NEON singles write about the pitfalls of being a single person. Today our author reports on her very first three Tinder dates – and what insights she has taken with her for her new solo existence.

Be single. How does it actually work? I’ve been in two long relationships for the past ten years. So being just for me is a role that I have to get used to. Immediately after the breakup, I treated myself to an extensive #selfcare vacation in the Caribbean. Back home, I signed up for Tinder a few weeks later.

For the past few years, I had looked curiously over the shoulder of my single friends as they rated total strangers with a casual swipe on their cell phones. I was still curious. It’s not like I’m hoping to fall madly in love right away, though. I’m not looking for the next relationship at all. Now is the time for me to be happy with myself alone – and to enjoy my solo existence. But a little distraction can’t hurt.

I now know why I’m single: my working hours are to blame

As a single, between smooching strangers and pregnant friends, you can sometimes feel like the last unicorn. But don’t worry, you are not alone! The NEON singles are on board – and the journey is not always smooth.

So Tinder. First of all, I notice that the choice is limited. Out of 50 guys on average one gets a like from me The first thing you learn about tindering is that just because you match each other doesn’t mean that one of them is also writing. In addition, there are such things as precious super-likes, which are supposed to flatter you somehow, but in the end only trigger a slightly guilty conscience if you swipe to the left after the first look – and thus the guy into the eternal hunting grounds of the online Dating banned. My second match actually immediately wrote me super lewd messages like: “I hope we’ll end up in bed with you afterwards.” Um, no.

But at some point it went a little better. In the meantime, I’ve met three different gentlemen. Here’s what I’ve learned from it.

“Would you like us to meet for a cigarette during the day?” I ask candidate number one after the match and feel very relaxed about it. His profile said something about smoker and I thought to myself: The length of a cigarette is a good start for your first Tinder date – as if I had suspected it. Not only does Fabian * make me wait a full 25 minutes (his taxi is stuck in traffic, it remains a bottomless cheek and besides: Who should take a taxi on a Saturday afternoon?), He also looks absolutely not like his profile pictures promised.

When I turn to him, I’m more perplexed than I have been in ages and struggle to keep my composure. The first thing I do reflexively is hold out my hand to him. Instead of a hug, as it should be on a date. The first thought that comes to mind hurts: I don’t want to be seen with him. I’m strangely ashamed of this man I don’t know, but who now absolutely wants to have a coffee with me. Instead of going to a café like normal people, I suggest getting a cappuccino at the kiosk and then having a cigarette on a nearby park bench.

“Your body language tells me that I am not exactly what you expected.

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Basically, the providers try to base the analysis on the “Big Five” personality traits.

The Big Five are a model from personality psychology: According to the idea, there are five dimensions of personality in which every person can be classified.

The gender ratio is usually balanced. Dating agencies are often at a high price level. However, you can assume active members and a reputable agency. In this respect, dating agencies differentiate themselves from dating sites, which are mostly about casual contacts and flirting.

It is also perfectly legitimate to look for a partner on dating sites. But many people here have not only set their sights on eternal happiness, but also on entertaining pleasure. The focus is on the search for a sexual, leisure, hobby partner or even after the great love. How you use the dating site is up to you.

You can take the search for another person into your own hands and use a search mask to look for like-minded people. Every user has a profile, which he completes with a photo, personal information and a self-presentation. There is no personality test, which is why there are no partner suggestions from the provider. “Matches” are only created by “swiping”: you swipe a profile to the left or right with your finger to signal your openness or disinterest. If the “swiped” person also likes your profile, you will receive a notification that you both “match”. Dating sites represent the modern counterpart to contact advertisements and are in the low to medium price segment.

Personals are newspaper advertisements that are published in print media. A few years ago, this kind of contact was the highest of feelings when it came to getting to know someone from a great distance. In the meantime, online dating has established itself as a modern personal ad. But the short advertisements are not dead and can still be found in newspapers.

Since dating sites are looking for all kinds of contact, the transition to other social networks is often fluid. Platforms that are primarily aimed at fostering friendship can also be used to get to know new people.

Dating agency

Find long-term relationships

Personality test

Contact suggestions based on algorithms

Higher price level

Broad age range

Single exchange

Loose contacts and flirtations

Search parameters freely selectable

“Matches” as contact suggestions

Lower price level

Mostly younger members

Single sites and niche partner portals often have adult dating as their content. People with this intention are usually not looking for a steady partner, but for a love affair or an affair. This approach can also be divided into two categories: casual and erotic dating. Casual dating is more discreet. The anonymity of the users is in the foreground and the profiles are not freely viewable. Contact is only established through a “match”. Erotic dating, on the other hand, relies on living out one’s own preferences. Users are usually less reluctant to present their profiles. You can contact all users via a free search mask.

Smaller dating portals have often focused on specific groups. Without a personality test or mediation, you act entirely on your own. The portals concentrate on intentions, such as flirtations and dates, flirtations and affairs, sexual preferences and orientations or certain topics and hobbies such as religion, work, travel or pop culture.

Take your luck into your own hands. With the following tips, you as a single go on the path to maximum success when looking for a partner on the Internet.

Stand out from the other singles with an original profile. Do not pretend and answer given questions honestly. Self-satisfied and reflective characters make a personable, open-minded impression. Additionally, choose a recent photo that will make you look natural. Users without a photo usually have little chance of arousing interest.

Of course, everyone has specific ideas about their dream partner, but for online dating it is advisable to use the search pattern as broadly as possible. You should also expand the search radius in terms of geography and age range, even if only for reasons of interesting correspondence. Do not put partner suggestions or “matches” aside prematurely. Be open to meeting new people.

Practice on your own initiative. Whether “match” or not, if you are interested in someone, don’t be afraid to write a message to them.

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novel

Translation: Lamatsch, Vanessa

It’s the first time you’ve seen him, but he’s been watching you for a long time. Four years after her husband’s accidental death, Hartley finally finds the courage to date – and maybe even fall in love. Will one of her blind dates cast a spell over her? She is filled with a tingling thrill when she meets her dates for the first time. But what the young widow has no idea: One of the men is a wanted serial killer who absolutely wants to wrap her around his finger. Does Hartley have to pay for the charm of the unknown with her life?

Perfect mix of … more

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“The book is a mixture of psychological thriller and love story, dramatic and erotic right down to the last page. And in a pleasant way, so that it is always a pleasure and never too exciting. Perfect sofa reading for lazy afternoons.”, Erotic-couch.de , March 1st, 2020

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Evaluation of

Dark rose

from NRW on February 5th, 2020

Very exciting and really well done!

Hartley lost her husband in a car accident 4 years ago. Now she’s finally got her best friend ready to go on at least three blind dates. The first two are a total disaster, but the third date, with Jacob, is going well. But only a few days later strange things happen around Hartley and then comes the point where she can no longer invent excuses: someone is trying to break her mentally, tormenting her with memories of her deceased husband. But who could do something like this … more

Evaluation of

Maya Rottenmeier

from Upper Franconia on February 6th, 2020

Brilliant – once started, I can’t put the book down

What is it about:

Hartley has been mourning her husband for four years and her best friend Taylor decides that it is time for Hartley to partake of life and love again. She starts blind dates for Hartley without realizing that there could be a serial killer among them, because at the same time one of them is up to mischief in Denver. Is Hartley losing more than just her heart?

The figures:

Hartley Watson, who is called Hart by her friend, is 33 years old and is doing one … more

Evaluation of

sheep cloud

from Kiel on March 6th, 2020

Exciting page turner with a pinch of eroticism

Taylor thinks four years of grief are enough for her friend Hartley and arranges a few blind dates for her. But shortly after the meetings, strange things happen and Hartley begins to doubt himself.

So I am completely enthusiastic about the book, it was clear to me on the first pages that I would not put this book down anytime soon. The writing style is fluid and captivating at the same time. The book is classified in the Thriller category, the cover says Roman. One thing is clear, it is not … anymore

Evaluation of

biggtat

from Salzburg on February 20th, 2020

Four years after her husband’s accidental death, Hartley’s friend Taylor finds that she should finally meet men again and signs them up on a dating site. Taylor obliges her to meet three men she chooses for her. Taylor intends to help her friend, but she is not enthusiastic about meeting complete strangers, but for the sake of her friend she takes courage. What she does not know: Behind one of the three is a serial killer.

After the meetings she comes with Detective Ace Henderson, her … more

Evaluation of

Blubb0butterfly

on 06/06/2020

The prologue alone raises questions, but I could already guess what it would be about.

Hartley let her life slide after the death of her beloved husband. She lived listlessly day after day until her best friend had enough and she forced her to online dating.

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However, this is no guarantee that members are who they say they are. On the one hand, there is no obligation to have a complete profile, on the other hand, some singles lie about information such as weight or appearance.

To be on the safe side, skeptics can “google” the contact. If, for example, he only speaks broken German or English, if he is prematurely forging marriage plans, or if contact is only made via chargeable phone numbers, consumers should stay away from it as a precaution. And outside of the online world, they should also pay attention to their safety: At best, singles choose the first meeting in a neutral, public place such as a café and inform their friends about the date.

The online partner search has to be learned, but with a well staged profile, singles have already half won, because this is nothing more than their personal advertising text. With information on height, weight, appearance, hobbies and personal values, they present themselves as detailed as possible in order to arouse interest in a potential partner. The following tips are designed to help singles build their profile properly, choose a good photo, and avoid boring messages.

First of all, singles should take enough time to check their text for spelling mistakes. You should be creative when it comes to self-portrayal, because with an original, lively and individual profile you stand out from the millions of members. However, you should not pretend, but always remain honest about your statements and information. The visitors to your profile should understand who they are dealing with and what that person wants. It is important to always remain self-critical, but not completely lose sight of your own charm.

The information begins with the pseudonym to be chosen, which often consists of a combination of the first name and the year of birth. In order to stand out from the crowd, singles at best choose a nickname that already gives an initial indication of their personality. The more complete the profile, the more information they offer potential visitors about yourself. In this way, you not only win more seriously interested members, but also possibly exclude unsuitable partners. As on every business card, there is nothing wrong with a little beautiful painting, but overall the right impression should be conveyed.

Even if it is sometimes uncomfortable – without a meaningful profile picture, the chances are much lower that an interested party will contact you. In any case, your photo should be of high quality, meaningful and as current as possible. At best, you should opt for a picture in which you smile and not show too much skin, so that you look both loving and serious. For example, while the photo from their last trip reveals something about their lifestyle and is extremely personable, selfies from cell phones tend to leave the impression that they are not serious.

Often the flirtation begins with a first, short message, with which singles express their own interest. However, it depends on how they communicate. To avoid trivial mistakes, singles stick to these helpful tips:

Although some shy candidates find it much easier to flirt in writing, the tone and individual mood in the chat are lost. In this context, a simple, ironic remark can go unexpectedly wrong. Therefore, singles should be rather short at the beginning and above all refrain from sexist comments. The situation is similar with the use of emojis and network acronyms: Singles use them as sparingly as possible so as not to appear childish. If you are not that well versed in the virtual world, those interested will find some common abbreviations below:

The most important abbreviations in the online world

Singles should refrain from concrete ideas about their dream partner. Perhaps they fall into a completely different type who does not fit their usual pattern at all. Although the partner suggestions are appropriate in most cases, singles should also be open to chance encounters, because nobody knows where love will fall. Therefore, you should not wait idly until someone else takes the first step, but take the initiative yourself. At best, they also take a second look at contact inquiries that they were initially averse to – maybe this is the great love behind them.

It is also important to be patient in order to get to know the potential dream partner better, but singles should not unnecessarily delay a real meeting. At some point you will have to face the reality check and check whether your chat partner can do justice to your own ideas outside of the internet.

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But you should think about beforehand whether such software with a shortcut on the desktop is really advisable. After all, this can quickly unmask an affair or the fling. The website offers some advantages here, as only the browser history has to be emptied. However, singles who are interested in a casual relationship will not be bothered by this, which is why we rate the possibility of independent application for the smartphone as very positive.

The free registration is mainly advertised on its own homepage. You can certainly first register on all portals and slowly look around. The operation of the search, the creation of the profile and also nudging functions or dating games (like “Hot or Not” with C-Date) are possible with a basic account. However, at the latest when you want to write to members, you have to look at the various price tables. In our test we found it annoying at times, but unfortunately it is the standard in this area.

Women are an exception in the casual dating test, as they can often go in search of fun and passion at no cost. Men, on the other hand, have to take out a premium membership or buy coins.

Different fees apply depending on the provider. As a rule, a subscription must be taken out, which enables the view of the visitor and favorites list as well as unlimited communication. There are various offers that can differ in terms of duration and functions. In general, the following applies here: the longer the contract period, the cheaper the monthly price.

However, some platforms in the test rely on coins. These are separate payment units that must first be acquired. At Secret.de you pay for every contact you want to make. There are different prices for women and men. Especially users who write with many different users will cause higher costs. For them, a subscription portal is more suitable.

If you have taken out a paid subscription, you have to cancel it after a successful search so that the contract is not automatically extended. There are usually different ways to terminate membership. We always recommend that you choose a written version so that nothing really can go wrong. You should always keep an eye on the notice period for termination. It can be 14 days and more.

A termination is not necessary here, as there are no premium accounts and no subscription trap.

Termination is not necessary here, as the contracts automatically expire after the term.

If coins or credits are used for payment, they are simply used up. Since there are no subscriptions, you do not need to cancel at this point. An extremely user-friendly system that we rated particularly positively in this regard.

The mediation of erotic contacts certainly plays a special role on the websites. However, the platforms should also offer their members a comprehensive range of customer service. Our team still sees the greatest scope here.

All casual sites had extensive FAQs for simple questions. They were able to solve the first problems and also ensure that you don’t have to seek help by phone or email for every small problem. We have also examined these in the test and reflect our experiences in the respective reports.

As a rule, there is also a hotline that can help you with questions about technical matters and also forward you if the difficulties are of a greater nature. You are also familiar with the pricing policy, so that the price tables were also explained quickly and easily. Only C-Date does not offer its members any customer service. From our point of view, improvements would be desirable here, since ambiguities can sometimes be explained more quickly in a direct conversation.

You can also contact customer service via e-mail, fax or the contact form. We have tested all the ways and were always given quick and competent advice, although the answer to the written inquiries took several hours.

We might have wished for a forum so that users can exchange ideas and help one another. Then many problems would certainly not arise in the first place and the customer support letter would be omitted. Live chat would also be a good alternative for quickly getting urgent matters right. However, only a few providers have this support in the online dating area, so the lack of it did not surprise us.

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Although I couldn’t see anyone anywhere, the thought that we were doing it in public made me even more excited. We were fucking in the middle of a courtyard entrance. I felt my horniness get stronger and stronger and got goose bumps all over my body. I pulled it out and Nathalie turned forward. I took off her top and massaged her tits again. She lay down on her back. I stuck my cock deep into her wet pussy and looked her straight in the eye. While she spread her legs, I hammered my stick deeper and deeper into her hole. I hadn’t fucked anyone like that in a long time. Since we were both so taken with our lust, we didn’t even notice at first that one of the doors in the background had slowly opened. One of the house residents came by chance or because he had heard something sneaked out of the house entrance. The guy looked like a student or apprentice and stood confidently next to us. “Do it hard for her, dude!” He said to me. At first I was surprised and didn’t really know how to react. On the one hand, the guy irritated me, on the other hand, it also turned me on that we also had a viewer for this dirty number.

Nathalie reacted faster again. “If you have such a big mouth, show what’s behind it!” The guy gave her a challenging look and moved towards us. Nathalie opened his pants and reached inside. The tail she pulled out of her pants was tough. I was amazed when the full size bar dangled from the young guy’s pants. Nathalie obviously seemed to enjoy what she was holding in her hands. As she rubbed the long thing, she looked over at me cheekily. I felt additionally spurred on by her look and rammed my thing deep into her. “You like it when you are fucked particularly hard?” I heard myself say. Nathalie didn’t say anything and instead took the guy’s cock in her mouth. I put her legs up so I could push deeper into her. Meanwhile, the other guy fucked her in the mouth. We both took them as hard as we could. Nathalie asked “Well, how about a double pack?”

The guy pointed to the bench, which was also in the courtyard entrance, and said “Spread your legs for both of us on the bench!” Nathalie seemed to feel even more spurred on by this tone. I could hardly believe my ears myself. We went to the bank. The guy lay down under her and stuck his long thing deep up her ass. She moaned loudly in pleasure. I myself carefully stuck my cock in from the front while the guy was already working her hard. We filled her holes from both sides and began to fuck her rhythmically. Between our two cocks, we turned Nathalie into meat that only serves one purpose: to get fucked. Nathalie was completely absorbed in this lust and seemed to have a lot of fun with the dirty number. While I felt the warm pussy as well as the movements of the hard cock that worked her from the other side, she twitched with pleasure. We screwed her through every trick in the book. The wooden bench made noises like the planks of a wooden floor. The wet pussy smacked loudly while I kept pushing into her. “Where do you want my juice?” I asked Nathalie. “Splashes my tits dirty!” She said to both of us.

We pulled our tails out of their holes. I grabbed Nathalie’s hair and pressed her head to the floor in front of us.

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